By Connor Small
Contributing Writer
Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot of women complaining that we guys “don’t know how to be gentlemen anymore.” As someone who tries very hard to act like a gentleman every day, I am slightly offended by these remarks. While for the most part I believe that chivalry is, in fact, dead, I find it agitating when women talk about the lack of chivalry in the world, while here I am, holding the door open for them. Maybe the issue is not that chivalry is dead, but rather, women aren’t looking hard enough for it.
Let’s take a step back for a moment. What exactly is chivalry? To me, a chivalrous man is not one who acts for the glory of getting girls’ attention; he is the one who holds the door or gives up his seat because it is the right thing to do. And guys, I am not just talking about acting like such just for women you find attractive. I am talking about doing these favors for everybody. A man should always help an elderly fellow cross the street and say “bless you” when someone sneezes. He should give up his seat to a woman, an elderly fellow, or a disabled person. He should hold the door open for everyone, even other men. He does these things not because he is expected to, not because he feels obligated to, but because he recognizes and respects others.
A common complaint among men is the annoyance of having to do things like pay for the first date. They say things such as, “Well, men and women are equal now, right? So why do we still have to pay for dinner?” When I hear guys say this, I cannot help but shake my head. It is not expected that we pay for the first date, I have had plenty of girls want to help pay for the date, but in the back of their minds, women relate paying for a date to security and generosity; they want a man to sweep them off their feet. It is natural to get frustrated over feeling like you are an ATM, but if you feel that the girl you are dining with is not worth the price of one dinner, I would question why are you out with her in the first place.
I think the real root of the problem here is that society is simply different today than it was when our grandparents and even our parents were our age. I have found that people today are in such a rush to get to their next location that they aren’t even able to stop and think about others for a moment. It is evident that empathy is at an all time low. Everybody needs to just slow down and realize how their actions affect others. For the most part, people—especially women—notice actions such as holding the door open, and they appreciate it. However, often people are too wrapped up in themselves to realize such chivalrous mannerisms.
From a man’s perspective, chivalry is something that isn’t expected, but is all too absent from our culture. Maybe this stems from men feeling unappreciated in a very self-serving culture. Maybe we are just lazy. Either way, something has to change.