By Joshua Haywood
Contributing Writer
Valentine’s Day is rapidly approaching and the trending topic on the quad is PDA (public displays of affection). The truth of the matter is that if you are going to go all out on the PDA front—touching, kissing, the whole nine yards—then you need to go to the Lewisburg Hotel and get a room. If it is a Thursday morning and I am walking to my 8 a.m. class with “the morning flu,” the last thing I want to see is a couple dry humping like they are at a register because my next action will surely involve looking for a trashcan to vomit in. There are basic rules when it comes to PDA and they should be followed.
First off are the “ins.” These are the displays that are generally accepted by me and my friends. Holding hands is definitely an in; this is the most basic form of PDA and, by my standards, acceptable. Next item up for discussion is kissing your better half on the way to class. This is a classic move from what I like to call the “Book of Game.” Just as long as you are not slipping in some tongue on tongue wrestling action, kissing as a form of PDA is tolerable. Now, I may have a 2.5 GPA but I am pretty sure that relatively reenacting a scene from a soft-core porno video in front of the library is not—and never will be—cool. Holding the door open for your lady friend is definitely in on my list of tolerable PDA. This is not to say that the concept of holding a door open is not eternally cliché. I question such acts: is the woman really too feeble to open her own door?
Here are the definite “outs” that the universe should generally accept as PDA overload. First and foremost is groping. Boys, I do not want to see you grab your girlfriend’s behind like you are giving it a friendly handshake. This is gross and highly offensive. The last thing I want to see is you ass-ault your girlfriend in public, especially in front of me. Next up is sitting on each other’s lap in public. This is not Mustang Sally’s. I do not want to see a modified lap dance anywhere on campus. It is inappropriate no matter the situation. Finally, we are all still recovering from FloodGate 2011 but if I see some boy take off his North Face jacket and throw it in the mud so a girl can walk over it in an effort to protect her shoes, I will not only laugh but will come up and ask for your picture and your autograph; you have officially completed the most obscene and ridiculous out.
The reality is, you can show PDA like it is the apocalypse or you can act like a normal human being and be civil about your adoration for your better half. When it comes down to it, you need to stick to the basics and keep it classy; this sets an example for singles and keeps everyone else from throwing up their mystery Bostwick Marketplace meat.