When it comes to navigating the complicated role of being a good roommate, the conflict of “sexiling”—being exiled from your room due to a roommate’s rendezvous— inevitably comes up. To me, it generally seems that girls tend to be less accepting victims of a sexile than guys, but just as there are a variety of roommate relationships there are as many varied feeling towards sexiling. Overall, the general rules seem to be as such:
No school night sexiling. As someone who likes to do late night work in my room, my roommate’s hookup should not get in the way of my studies. Similarly, if I have a big test or presentation the next day, I want to be able to get the good night’s rest that only sleeping in my own bed provides. One of the most annoying parts of being sexiled is not being able to get back into the room to get my things without having to see my roommate spooning or doing the nasty with some guy. Trust me, having to interrupt to get something you need from the room can be extremely uncomfortable for both you and your roommate.
Forewarning must be given. I really don’t want to see anything of the hookup nature; it is best if I don’t know what’s going on in my room. Late warning is more acceptable on the weekends when I don’t really have anything to do until the afternoon, but 12 a.m. on a Wednesday night tends to be rude. It is also nice to get some warning so that I can leave before the partner returns, as the awkward small talk with my roommate’s hookup is just plain painful—we both know what is about to go down in my room. The roommate relationship is one based upon open communication and awareness of each other, so a long as my roommate asks for the room and we have open dialogue on what is and is not acceptable when it comes to sexiling, I say get your sex on.
The hookup better be worth it. It has always struck me how I tend to be more accepting of being sexiled if I know the guy is cute and not an ass. If I am going to be kicked out of my room, I would rather it be for something that is going to be good. I am more readily accepting of my roommate’s boyfriend staying the night than a random hookup, but to an extent. I could never handle having that roommate whose boyfriend sleeps over, sans fooling around, almost every night. Something about sleeping a couple of feet away from them cuddling is just plain uncomfortable.
But overall, my biggest rule is I just don’t want to see, and preferably hear, anything.