By Jack Wiles
Columnist
Sunday night, I realize there is an event on television that I would like to watch. Unfortunately, this event is only offered on pay-per-view. Luckily, my nerdy engineer side emerges from somewhere deep inside and I find a live stream of this event on the Internet. It’s WWE Wrestlemania 28. My life has not only been changed for the better, but for the best. Professional wrestling is the best thing to happen to America since we gained our independence.
There are many reasons to love the WWE. I would like to focus on the ones most applicable to University students. One very important thing must be made very clear before I get into the details: the WWE is not real wrestling. The wrestlers are not actually having a physical competition; they are performing a show. This show requires a great deal of athleticism, strength and showmanship, but it is not a real wrestling match. I really wish I didn’t have to say that, but I feel like there are a lot of people out there that have never even heard of the WWE (or they’re just idiots). This is why I write about it. I’m sure they’ll pay me later.
The first thing to do to enjoy these spectacular events is pick a favorite wrestler. There are many superstars to choose from, all from different backgrounds and with different strengths and weaknesses. Like 7 foot, 441 pound behemoths? The Big Show is your boy. I go for the suave, yet flashy underdog Kofi Kingston. There is also an Indian wrestler named Jinder Mahal … or, you could go with the classic choices like The Rock or John Cena. There are millions that would join you on those options. Whoever you pick, you have to act like he or she (oh yes, there are divas who wrestle too) is the center of your world. You have to yell, cheer and really get into the big hits and the drama that happens backstage. Nobody beats your superstar.
The best thing about the WWE, however, would be going to a live event. Of course, University kids would stick out like sore thumbs, so you have to suit up in very hick-like clothing and WWE apparel. You also must bring a funny sign to hold up to get on TV. For example, I enjoyed seeing the sign “If Cena wins we riot!” You have to yell, react to all big hits, have aggressive banter with other fans and go all out. If you do this, drink lots of beer, and of course have a designated driver. I guarantee it would be a good time.
WWE Smack Down is coming to Wilkes-Barre, Pa. on May 22. This is two days after graduation, and y’all better believe I’ll be in attendance. If you want to join, we should gather a large group of University students to take it over. Tweet me about it, @improvize.