Author: Emily Guillen

Categories
Arts & Life Sleeping Around

Sleeping Around: What’s your number?

By Stacey Lace

Columnist

During the fall semester of my first year at the University, students and faculty were plagued by the swine flu. With half of my English 101 class quarantined, and my own symptoms from a stomach bug, I turned into a hypochondriac and made my first visit to Health Services.

Luckily, I managed to avoid swine, but I didn’t manage to avoid the poster in the examination room providing me with the six degrees of sexual separation. I recently started thinking about how my “number” and “exposure” stack up.

I decided to look up a similar chart online entitled, “Sexual Exposure Chart.” The chart is based on the idea that every partner you’ve engaged in sexual activity with has had the same number of previous partners you have. In my case, I’ve had two partners, so under the chart’s assumption, Partner #1 had no previous partners and Partner #2 had one other partner. This brought my total exposure to three people.

A sexual exposure of three didn’t seem so bad, but with one more partner added, my exposure jumped up to seven. While my traditional “number” may only go up by one for every new partner, my exposure to others goes up by many more.

I started asking around to figure out what a typical 20-year-old female student’s number would be and got a variety of answers. Yes, I actually walked up to women to ask for their number. My extremely small and impromptu survey yielded results anywhere from zero to eight, with most answers being one or two.

Surprisingly, every girl I asked outright gave me her number without hesitation. No one seemed concerned it was too low or too high. In one case, the girl had to think about and count up her number of partners, indicating a lack of concern regarding it.

Based on a survey by the federal government, men had a median of seven and women had a median of four heterosexual partners. According to “The Myth, the Math, the Sex,” an article from the New York Times in 2007, it’s expected that men overestimate and women underestimate their partner number.

With those numbers being said, I think it’s important to realize a few things.

First, half of all people are above the median and half are below. To be honest, this median isn’t really about the “typical” number of partners; it’s about the number of partners at the middle of the spectrum. It doesn’t indicate how heavily populated different parts of the number line are.

Regarding my own life, I think two is fine. Realistically, my number is going to increase, and that’s fine with me. What’s important isn’t the number, but the decisions we make that got us to it.

Categories
Editorial Opinion

Editorial: Raids understandable, but methods alienate student

In light of last week’s raids on 23 University Avenue and Kappa Sigma Fraternity last week, students have begun to question the University’s concern for students.

While searching student residences due to ongoing illegal activity is authorized by the
Student Handbook, many of the residents displaced by the searches felt victimized as a result of others’ actions.

Although the searches were prompted by “the frequency of prior incidents by students affiliated with the two residences” (according to Andy Hirsch, Director of Media Communications), the residents had given no reason for the University to suspect them of illegal activity other than relationships as hallmates or fraternity brothers.

While the assumption that you are the company you keep often proves true, it’s not one that should be made on such a small campus.  If one student is an engineer, does that mean each of his friends is as well?  While many students on campus are engineers, and many engineers associate with each other, they still associate with as many students who aren’t in the same college.  Although this comparison is related to major, not illegal activity, it should be noted that the basis is the same.

If these raids are being used as a way to prepare students for the consequences of law-breaking in the “real world,” then they’ve done a poor job.  In the real world, clear evidence would be necessary to obtain a warrant for these searches.  Again, affiliation does not unequivocally point to guilt.

Beyond this assumption that proved false for many of those suspected, students were not only also left feeling targeted by the University, but also left physically inconvenienced.  In addition to being banished from their homes during normal study hours, many of the residents were left without shoes, wallets and other necessities.

These students then begged the officers to allow them the courtesy of retrieving shoes while waiting to find out why they were even removed in the first place.  Officers then fetched the residents’ necessary items.

As a result of Public Safety’s actions last Thursday, the affected students have been left feeling distrustful of the University’s administration.  With the fire alarms being pulled as a way to clear the house as quickly as possible, students were rightfully left with a lack of faith in the University’s ability to calmly and clearly communicate with students.

Students from Greek organizations other than Kappa Sigma have also been left with the same feelings.  With the realization of the ability for the University and Public Safety to enter and search any building they suspect of any wrongdoing, students are growing skeptical of Public Safety’s mission to keep students safe rather than to catch students participating in frowned upon or illegal activity.

With this animosity rising on campus between students and the governing bodies, it seems that the administration’s efforts might be split more evenly across the board, focusing not only on these necessary drug raids, but also on communicating with students regarding their rights as well as understanding students’ perspectives on policies and enforcement.

Categories
Letters to the Editor Opinion

Letter to the Editor: Scholarships will help Univ.

To the Editor:

While the football scholarship issue is one where reasonable people can differ, I think you’ve overlooked a few things.

Many strong academic schools offer far more athletic scholarships than does Bucknell, with no damage to their image. Looking just at Patriot League schools, Bucknell has given out the fewest athletic scholarships for years–which has caused a number of BU teams/coaches to have to compete on an uneven playing field.

Do you have any evidence that the money for football scholarships will come at the expense of academic-based scholarships? For a number of reasons, I think it is unlikely that any academic-based scholarships will be cut. It is likely, however, that a significant amount of the additional expense of scholarships will be raised by additional donations from alumni who support football as well as the University in total.

Had Bucknell not followed the lead of its peer schools in the Patriot League, the short-term effect would have been to destroy the football program’s competitiveness, while the likely long-term effect would have been the disbanding of the program. No matter your opinion of football, there would be serious consequences of such a result. One would be that a number of Bucknell donors–-those who have built up the school’s endowment and its ability to give need-based scholarships–-would cut back their donations significantly. As one piece of evidence, consider that when Lafayette’s president took certain anti-scholarship moves less than two years ago, it cost Lafayette a number of its top donors.

As for academics, when Colgate added athletic scholarships for many sports other than football about eight years ago, they expected that action to improve the academic profile of CU athletes. After a few years, the University confirmed that scholarships had indeed improved academics. That should come as no surprise, since it allowed CU to recruit student-athletes who previously would have gone to Ivy League schools or other strong academic schools with athletic scholarships. Other Patriot League schools who have added athletic scholarships in various sports (soccer, lacrosse, field hockey, swimming, etc.) have also found that the academic profile of their athletes was improved.

While you worry that somehow football scholarships may “diminish the standards of the University,” the reality is that they are almost certain to improve Bucknell’s academic profile for the reasons cited above.

No one who values sports over academics is ever going to consider Bucknell or any other Ivy/Patriot League school, so that surely cannot be a concern. However, many of the most successful alumni to come out of every Ivy League and Patriot League school have been those who valued both academics and athletics. Bucknell for years has given out more merit scholarships in dance, music, art, etc. than it has in athletics. Has that hurt the University or decreased the value of a Bucknell degree? If not, then why would athletic scholarships –which many people, depending on their own point of view, would argue have a more positive effect on the University’s image.

With the addition of scholarships, it would be possible to fund part of the cost by playing one game a year against a FBS school such as a Rutgers, Army, UConn, Wake Forest, etc. Maybe even Penn State at some point. The current payday for such a game is typically $300,000 to $500,000, although it sometimes can run as high as $1 million. Colgate and Fordham have already scheduled this sort of money-maker and there are reports that Lehigh and Lafayette are not far behind. However, this sort of money-maker, by NCAA rules, is only possible for a school that has at least 56.7 scholarships or their equivalent.

One last thought. If you google “Bucknell” for the last week (or any other time period), you will find that the great majority of the publicity BU receives all over the country is due to the University’s sports program. Like it or not, that is how most people hear of Bucknell and its brand, and that is what keeps the Bucknell brand out there in front of this national audience. The only question is whether the exposure consists of Bucknell having a winning program and stronger student-athletes or a losing one and weaker student-athletes. Frankly, almost no one in the community-at-large cares what kind of aid a given student is receiving.

Sincerely,

Kenneth Doak ’71

Categories
Arts & Life Sleeping Around

Sleeping Around: The V-Card

By Stacey Lace

Columnist

With Valentine’s Day just passing, let’s talk about another big V in our lives.  I’m talking about the biggest V you can think of that pertains to your late night indiscretions.  I’m talking about virginity, and, yes, this is about to get a little personal.

You can probably all guess that I’m not a virgin.  I’m pretty sure The Bucknellian wouldn’t let me write this column if I was, but that’s not to say I was sexualized too young or anything like that.

I lost the v-card after coming to college.  I was in a steady relationship with a guy who was not as chaste as myself.  I don’t regret the guy or the circumstances, but at age 18, I thought we needed to have “the talk.”

I don’t mean the “where do babies come from” talk, I mean the “I need to know this is the right decision and that I’m not going to regret having made it with you” talk.

Honestly, I’ve never stopped having that talk.  Prior to every new sexual encounter, I’ve had “the talk.”  I just think it’s important to know where both partners are physically, mentally and emotionally when it comes to having sex.

With STIs, STDs and STFs (sexually transmitted feelings) going around campus, understanding your partner’s sexual history or lack thereof is just as important to your emotional stability as it is to your fear of herpes.

One day last week while I was at lunch with my girlfriends, my peppy cheerleader friend Reilly* was filling the group in on James*, the guy she’s been seeing.

Her hookup concern of the week?  Reilly was beginning to think about taking the next step and actually sleeping together.  However, Reilly’s feelings weren’t the problem.  Before any canoodling, Reilly wanted to know if James was a virgin, but she didn’t know how to bring it up.

This prompted all eight of the girls to start talking about how you ask your partner if he or she is a virgin. We all agreed it’s awkward to just flat out ask, yet it seemed like having that talk was so important.

I know that talking about the v-card can be almost as awkward as asking your mom to refill your condom stash next time she’s at the pharmacy, but it seems to be something we’ll all have to overcome at least once.

I wish I had advice for you, but all I can really say is that the brief moment of humiliation that comes from asking the question is almost always cancelled by the resulting conversation and activity.

If you still think it’s too awkward, take my roommate’s advice: “If you can’t have the talk, just don’t have sex.”

*Names have been changed.

 

Categories
Opinion

The infamous college sexile: She Said…

When it comes to navigating the complicated role of being a good roommate, the conflict of “sexiling”—being exiled from your room due to a roommate’s rendezvous— inevitably comes up. To me, it generally seems that girls tend to be less accepting victims of a sexile than guys, but just as there are a variety of roommate relationships there are as many varied feeling towards sexiling. Overall, the general rules seem to be as such:

No school night sexiling. As someone who likes to do late night work in my room, my roommate’s hookup should not get in the way of my studies.  Similarly, if I have a big test or presentation the next day, I want to be able to get the good night’s rest that only sleeping in my own bed provides. One of the most annoying parts of being sexiled is not being able to get back into the room to get my things without having to see my roommate spooning or doing the nasty with some guy. Trust me, having to interrupt to get something you need from the room can be extremely uncomfortable for both you and your roommate.

Forewarning must be given. I really don’t want to see anything of the hookup nature; it is best if I don’t know what’s going on in my room. Late warning is more acceptable on the weekends when I don’t really have anything to do until the afternoon, but 12 a.m. on a Wednesday night tends to be rude. It is also nice to get some warning so that I can leave before the partner returns, as the awkward small talk with my roommate’s hookup is just plain painful—we both know what is about to go down in my room. The roommate relationship is one based upon open communication and awareness of each other, so a long as my roommate asks for the room and we have open dialogue on what is and is not acceptable when it comes to sexiling, I say get your sex on.

The hookup better be worth it. It has always struck me how I tend to be more accepting of being sexiled if I know the guy is cute and not an ass. If I am going to be kicked out of my room, I would rather it be for something that is going to be good. I am more readily accepting of my roommate’s boyfriend staying the night than a random hookup, but to an extent. I could never handle having that roommate whose boyfriend sleeps over, sans fooling around, almost every night. Something about sleeping a couple of feet away from them cuddling is just plain uncomfortable.

But overall, my biggest rule is I just don’t want to see, and preferably hear, anything.

Categories
Opinion

The infamous college sexile: He Said…

By Ben Kaufman

Sports Layout Editor

To be blunt, being sexiled is a part of college. It is something that either everybody does or something that happens to you.

Personally, I have not been sexiled frequently. It has only happened a few times to me, and only once has it actually affected me. This was due to the fact that my roommate’s partner stayed the weekend and did not leave until Monday and I had to be in a physics lab at 8 a.m. that morning. To put it frankly, that sucked. When it comes to being sexiled, as long as it does not affect my schoolwork during the week, then I honestly do not care.

I grew up sharing a room with my older brother, who had a girlfriend until my junior year of high school. That was the first time I was actually sexiled. I did not mind the situation, as I am close with my brother, and the circumstances surrounding the relationship were different: he was in a long-distance relationship and therefore did not see his girlfriend often. So in this case, I did not really care about being sexiled, especially since my parents had a rule that our girlfriends were not allowed to sleep over if they were home. 

Here is the thing: as long as it does not affect my schoolwork then I really could not care less. It is what is known as “Bro-Code.” It is an unspoken rule in which you try to help out your friend, or “bro,” as often as possible. If that means sleeping on a couch or on a floor for one night, then so be it, life will go on. If my roommate at school decides to bring someone back to our room, I would have no issue sleeping on my friend’s floor for the night, or on a couch in my fraternity. As long as the person who is sexiling people does not take advantage of their roommate, then it is really not a big deal.

It frustrates me when people get so annoyed about being sexiled since it is usually just for one night every once in a while. Your life will go on if you sleep on the floor for one night, so be civil and accepting.

Categories
Arts & Life Sleeping Around

Sleeping Around: V-Day in Every Way

Stacey Lace

Columnist

For Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend from high school used to send me a dozen flowers for each year we’d been dating. By our last V-Day together, I managed to get 36 gorgeous red roses out of him.

I’m not trying to sound spoiled (although I clearly am), but even I think that might be going a little overboard. I’m just not sure that Feb. 14, and Feb. 14 alone, is the only day in a year that chicks should whip out the see-through red lace lingerie or guys should plan romantic dates with chocolate and flowers.

I know that the whole origin of V-Day was for St. Valentine, the martyr. That’s great and everything, but now it feels like an excuse to find somebody to fool around with for a couple weeks in the middle of the winter.

For someone lucky enough to have a date to a party tonight, I realize I sound pretty cynical of a holiday all about love. I just don’t know why we have to save up all our romanticism and passion for one night.

It’s not as if V-Day is even the sexiest day of the year. Seriously, think about it. There’s New Year’s, when you can ring in a new sex partner. July has Independence Day, where fireworks can get anyone hot. St. Patty’s day is a great time to “Kiss me, I’m Irish.” My personal favorite sexy holiday is Columbus Day, you know, so you can discover a “new world.” To each his own, I guess.

Regardless of being a poorly-placed holiday seemingly meant for bundling up and not stripping down, V-Day is just so purposeless.

I’d like to think that we could all just tone down V-Day so it can be v-day instead, but I realize that a lot of people won’t stand for that. Cutting back doesn’t have to be a big deal. A couple could easily skip the big night out for a cozy night in together and save the fine wining and dining for a night in April when we don’t have to wear parkas.

Also, I live in a dorm room; where am I supposed to put three dozen roses? I’m also a plant killer. Honestly, I look at plants and they die. The cost-to-benefit analysis of V-Day roses just doesn’t prove to be worth it.

Give me a simple box of chocolates and I promise I won’t be just a V-Day fling. I’ll stick around until Columbus Day for a little late-night lovin’.

Categories
Letters to the Editor Opinion

Letter to the Editor: Ann Pysher

Dear Ms. Lace,

After reading another column of “Sleeping Around,” I felt compelled to write with some parental thoughts. Yes, parents of Bucknell students subscribe to “The Bucknellian” and read your newspaper! Your newest column “Sleeping Around” just may be “TMI” for some parents. I realize the college students of today are a far cry from back in the 1980s when I was a college student. I read this column each week and am basically stunned by what I am reading. It is unfortunate in today’s world that hooking up is simply a typical thing to do and sex is no longer an act of love between two consenting adults. The academic standards to be admitted to Bucknell are high, but unfortunately, the moral standards are nonexistent as evidenced by your weekly column. Maybe by the time a college student of today’s society is married, he or she will have reached the triple digit number of sexual partners. Maybe even a sexually transmitted disease will be picked up along the way. That’s something to be proud of along with your degree from Bucknell.

It’s all about having a moral compass and high standards. Apparently that’s not the case for “Sleeping Around.” What a disappointment.  You can do better.

Ann Pysher

Categories
Arts & Life Sleeping Around

Sleeping Around: Interracial Relations

By Stacey Lace

Columnist

I recently received a letter pleading with me to write about interracial relationships on campus. It seems that our romantic lives are lacking diversity. For example, the most diverse person I’ve ever dated here was from Canada. I know, you think it’s funny, eh?

Based on my sudden realization that I lack what others have, I had to employ the help of my friend, Whitney*. Whitney is commonly referred to as what some would call a strawberry blonde, or, what I call, Ginger Lite (GL for short).

During our first year, Whitney met and started dating Kushal*, an Indian electrical engineer. Kushal has since graduated, but he and Whitney are still together and have a simultaneously normal and dysfunctional relationship.

Some things I’d like to let you know about Whitney, so you can truly understand the context of this relationship:

Whitney has informed me that blonde guys turn her on (Kushal is pretty much the anti-blonde).

AND

She has a difficult time imagining her hair on her future half-Indian children’s heads (in reality, if she and Kushal were to have children, they probably wouldn’t look even slightly like her).

While these facts are seemingly pointless, they show how important Kushal’s personality is rather than Whitney’s prior ideas. Other than the ginger Indian children thing, Whitney has never once raised a concern to me about Kushal’s heritage. Her concerns are more along the lines of “he never visits me” or “Kushal is drunk dialing me from the street and a homeless man is walking him home.”

Whitney and Kushal have the same concerns in their long-distance relationship as the rest of us. When he doesn’t call, Whitney wonders what he’s up to and if he’s letting his partying ways get the best of him. When Whitney and I go out, she has to fight the same temptations I’m free to indulge in.

According to the College Board, 77 percent of University students are white. This doesn’t necessarily allow for a whole lot of on-campus interracial action. However, if Whitney and Kushal can find love of the same sweet, yet strange, kind as same-race couples, then there’s hope for all of us to find someone.

Over the last couple of years, I’ve learned a lot about relationships from Whitney and Kushal. While they have problems in their relationship, not one of those problems is related to their difference in race. Their problems are centered on their bad habits, bouts with trust, and the constant feeling of missing each other.

Maybe we should all take a hint from the two of them, put our racial blinders on and find love wherever we can.

*Names have been changed.

Categories
Letters to the Editor Opinion

Letter to the Editor: “Sleeping Around” column sends wrong message

To the Editor:

As a parent, I have been following with interest the attempts to improve the campus climate. One of my sources of information is The Bucknellian. From the Nov. 18 issue, I learned that Bucknell is a university that takes sexual assault seriously. There are “shocking statistics about sexual violence on campus,” and there are efforts underway to change things (“Campus Rallies Against Sexual Assault”, p. A3). From a Letter to the Editor, I learned that “men continue to be high-fived for scoring a different girl every weekend.” The writer lamented the fact that women were not respected for the same behavior. Finally, from the column “Sleeping Around,” I learned about the columnist’s ex, who is not a human being but an “animalistic outlet.” Aided by alcohol, the writer describes her “half-night stand,” during which she leaves around 2 or 3 a.m. so she doesn’t have to speak to him. After all “it’s 99 percent about the sex and one percent about the ex.”

Could there be a connection between these casual attitudes toward sex and the sexual violence on campus? A young man accused of date rape might argue that it wasn’t about her at all, he just needed a “convenient animalistic outlet,” and he “put a little inebriation into the equation to soften the blow.” When the campus newspaper gives an entire column to a young woman’s description of behavior that resembles that of a dog in heat, it seems to be sending the message that sex is not a private matter between two consenting and loving adults, but rather a necessary bodily function that must be attended to on the weekends, preferably with the aid of alcohol.

I think your paper can do better. Your editorial decisions can help to improve the campus climate, or they can perpetuate the problem.

Sincerely,

Trudy Goodwin, parent