Author: Emily Guillen

By Stacey Lace

Columnist

With dreary weather and finals weighing us down, we shouldn’t completely ignore the upcoming farewell sex season. It’s a great opportunity to blow off a little pre-winter break steam.

As we enter the Yule season with the hopes of snow and presents, let’s hope for a bit of action in the bedroom to keep us from getting bored.

What better way to prepare ourselves for break than with a little bit of steamy finals sex?  Take a short break from studying notes for your Human Sexuality final and do a little practical studying. Even if you’re not taking anything related to anatomy, a spicy hiatus from the library can do us all some good.

Let’s be clear; I’m not saying that you should all run out and have sex with anyone willing just because you’re stressed out by finals week, but tapping it a little more frequently leading up to break may help to relieve your tension.

For those of us in committed relationships, a month can seem like a long time to be away from our sig. figs. (significant figures/others). My thought is that you might as well do it while the opportunity exists so you don’t regret it when you’re stuck at home with only your hand to console you.

If you’re not dating somebody, finding a finals friend might not be a bad idea. What do I think is the ideal quality in a finals buddy? Isn’t it obvious? A similar exam schedule!

Don’t worry, my sexually active friends! If you already have a steady hookup, I haven’t forgotten about you. While you’ve kept it pretty casual for a while now, you too should make sure you’re getting some quality sheet time in since you’ll be stuck miles and miles apart. Even the late night “Hey, what’s up?” text won’t be able to bring you together over break.

In all seriousness though, sex is truly a great form of stress relief and endorphin release.  You and I both know of one professor we have that could use a good fuel injection. With that in mind, getting a little frisky in between finals isn’t such a bad idea.

Here’s an added bonus for the ladies: lowered stress causes fewer wrinkles! Men, less stress for you means you can hold off balding just a little bit longer. If these aren’t good reasons to take a roll in the hay, then I don’t know what is.

And a little sexual health tip just for the holidays — in December, don’t forget to gift wrap your member!

Stacey Lace

Columnist

I’ll be honest—I like getting laid as much as you do, but every time I get down and dirty with an ex, it ends in a really sticky situation. You know, the kind of situations where you inevitably have to return some article of clothing that you stole so you didn’t have to walk home cold in the middle of the night (or, from the other side, where you have to continuously chase down said article of clothing).

We all get those “I haven’t done it in a while and I think it’s time. Maybe I should shoot my ex a booty call text” feelings once in a while. What we should realize is that while the idea always starts off well, it can often lead us into dangerous territory.

Prior to the ex sex-text, I know that I only think about one consequence—the actual sex. I don’t really like to dwell on the ex. To be frank, ex sex is about 99 percent about the sex and one percent about the ex. The ex is really just a convenient animalistic outlet for those times when your hormones are feeling a little lonely.

This indifference to the ex is what I think leads us to the awkward part of awkward ex sex. Usually, I like to put a little inebriation into the equation to soften the blow, but somehow it never fails to prevent the half-night stand.

Half-night stand: (n.) a shortened version of the one-night stand; leaving a sexual partner’s bedside before morning, typically before the partner wakes (Dlugatch & Eitches, “Daily Californian,“ Sept. 7, 2004)

Half-night stands are the perfect way to minimize the awkwardness. It doesn’t eliminate it completely, but I think it’s lessened.

I just hate the GIG (Good morning, Immediate Goodbye) aspect of the wake up. I find the GIG to be the epitome of the awkward part of awkward ex sex. Once I’ve sobered up, I just can’t imagine wanting to spend any time with the ex talking about our feelings or what last night meant. I was just horny and the skills I know he possesses drew me in.

I also find it’s a lot easier to get a ride home at 2 or 3 a.m. than in the wee hours of the morning. Most people don’t like being woken up at dawn because their friends can’t keep it in their pants.

I look forward to the coming weekends for the sole reason of not having any ex sex. Just seeing them around campus is awkward enough; why would I want to add sex to that mix when I can avoid the repeat experience with someone new?

By Stacey Lace

Columnist

“In every breakup, there are winners and losers.” –Marshall Eriksen, “How I Met Your Mother”

While this seems awful, we should all realize that Marshall isn’t so far off.  On television and in real life, winning the breakup is never something to joke about.  It’s a serious competition, and only the strong survive.

According to UrbanDictionary.com, winning the breakup means “meeting your ex after some time has passed and comparing details about your current lives–-there is always a winner and a loser in a breakup.  If your life is going significantly better than your ex’s, then you win the breakup.”

From this definition, you can realize how paramount it is to be the winner rather than the loser.  While you know you’re the hotter commodity, you need to prove it.

Let’s examine some battle tactics used in these breakup wars:

– Facebook relationship statuses:  It’s great being able to creep all over your ex’s page, but maybe obsessing about the fact that he or she still hasn’t removed the “in a relationship” isn’t worth your time.

– Facebook photos:  You and I both know that constantly going through old photos of the two of you isn’t healthy.  It’s also probably not healthy to see a picture of your ex with someone new (untagged), and then spend hours with your friends trying to identify said untagged person.

– Costumes:  Whether it be Halloween or a themed register, it’s very important in the breakup battle that anytime you dress up, you take a high number of photos of you looking great and having a great time.

– Campus sightings:  To win a breakup, you have to be on your A-game all the time, including when you eat or even check your mail.  You have to make sure that if spotted, you’re the one who couldn’t possibly tear yourself away from your friends because you’re all laughing too hard from your witty comments.  This is the only face time you have to unequivocally prove that you are better off.

My question is whether this competition is even worth it.  Once you’ve won a few battles and maybe even the war, do you feel better?  I don’t think it helps us to move on, but rather creates an unhealthy obsession with the past.  It seems that the effort we put into the contest is really just a distraction from moving on with the rest of our lives.

Have ideas for Sleeping Around topics?  We invite you to send in things you want to read about as well as personal anecdotes.  Email BucknellianSleepingAround@gmail.com. All submissions are for the columnist’s eyes only.

Introducing Sleeping Around: a commentary on sex, love and relationships in college.  That’s right, The Bucknellian is getting ballsy and printing the things you want to read.  Each week, we will print a provocative column commenting on, making fun of and sometimes even embarrassing students and their sex lives.  Can you handle it?

Students on this campus are some of the horniest people around.  Lilly Pulitzer day planners should just be manufactured with stickers labeled “Become intoxicated and copulate with a stranger” so we can schedule our drunken sexual encounters around midterm week.

This hookup culture promotes a lack of definition for what happens when your one-night stands dwindle down to a single repeat offender.

Now that we’re supposed to be independent, strong-willed women, why are we still allowing men to dictate when we’re going to date and when we’re going to fornicate?

It seems we female college students allow the males to force us into a culture that promotes the following relationship buildup:

1.  Meet at party.

2.  Dance.  Make out.  Exchange phone numbers (sometimes only BBMs, since numbers could allow more than text communication and we’re uncomfortable with any serious sober contact).

3.  One week or so later, drunk text and meet up at some party with a theme titled “Refugees and Rescuees.”  (Total bullshit. In reality, the theme is slutty nurses with bros ogling their goodies.)

4.  Play a few rounds of beer pong, chandelier or flip cup and abruptly leave for what is known as the “house,” aka all things “frat”.

5.  Repeat for two to four months.

6.  Have “the talk” and change your Facebook relationship status so your mother can think you’re not just an easy whore, but trying to form a “real connection” with the guy you feel pressured into taking to your formals at the end of the semester.  (Let’s be honest though—you need to be plastered to make it through that shit.)

Once we’ve hit this point (where we’re taking a hookup to formals but still refusing to acknowledge his existence outside the hours of 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights), I propose we as women take control of our lives and begin using the term “pre-dating.”

Pre-dating (n.): the relationship state prior to that of being in a relationship but after that of casually hooking up. 

“So what’s going on with you and Mike? I know you two have been sleeping together for a while.”

“Oh, we’re pre-dating, you know, more than hooking up, but it’s not like he’ll be meeting the parents anytime soon.”

Now that we are independent, strong-willed women, it’s our turn to dictate the dating vs. having sex relationship.  It’s time for us to define where our relationships are headed and let our partners know we won’t take their bullshit lying down.

Have ideas for Sleeping Around topics?  Email BucknellianSleepingAround@gmail.com. All submissions are for the columnist’s eyes only.