Author: Terra Fasold

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Three BSG candidates disqualified from race

W. Morris Fierman

Hours before the general election ballots for the Bucknell Student Government (BSG) became available online to University students, three candidates were disqualified from the race by the BSG Executive Board.

The former candidates Tim Jim Kim ’16, Gabby Derosa ’16 and Tim Delaney ’16 were notified that they had been disqualified for the second time late on April 16 for violating campaigning regulations and using the trademarked Bucknell Bison logo in a video posted to the class of 2016 Facebook page.

Kim was running for the position of president of next year’s sophomore class, Derosa for vice president and Delaney for treasurer.

The three had been disqualified in another incident on April 14 after being accused of a violation for campaign fliers posted above the dish conveyor belt in the Bostwick Cafeteria, originally labeled a violation of the rules by the BSG Executive Board. The decision was rescinded by the BSG Executive Board after they met for an appeals process and argued their case, claiming that the rules were not explicit in banning fliers at that location.

“We didn’t think this was a violation, so we presented them with our side,” said Kim, who brought with him a petition that included the signatures of over 350 students in support of the three candidates.

The executive board said in an interview soon after the meeting that the petition, though a reassuring signal of student’s interest in the student government, had nothing to do with their decision, which was made after concluding that the rules in question were unclear.

Later that afternoon and soon after they had been notified that they were back on the ballot, three other first-year candidates arrived at the office of the faculty advisor to the student government, Associate Dean of Students Kari Conrad, bearing the video Kim, Derosa and Delaney had posted to Facebook that included the trademarked logo, asking that the board again disqualify the candidates.

The three were not the only disqualified from the ballot this year. Emma Miller ’16, who was running for the position of treasurer, was notified that her name would be removed from the ballot after she posted campaign posters to the Elaine Langone Center bulletin boards, another violation of campaigning rules.

BSG President Loren Jablon ’15 said that these instances were the first in recent memory that the BSG Executive Board had moved to disqualify candidates from a general election ballot. Especially among a first-year class, “there’s never been an election this cutthroat before,” Jablon said. 

Kim, who currently serves as vice president of the first-year class, was disappointed with the way the election turned out. Speaking of the candidates that reported the video to Conrad, Kim said that “they really went out of their way to scour our campaign material and find something that was against the rules.”

As for the BSG Executive Board that disqualified them for the second time, “their hands were tied,” Kim said.

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Rees' Pieces

Rees’ Pieces

Ben Rees & Ben Garner (A Collaborative Effort)

Urban Legends

Urban legends and mythology have to come from somewhere. There is no way that a story like Icarus and his father or the idea of leprechauns came to be solely through the imaginations of our elders. Someone must have seen something ridiculous and told the story. That story got told again and again over the years, so currently, what we are dealing with in terms of mythology is a long, twisted game of telephone.

Although the only thing that has stemmed from the Jersey Devil myth is a mediocre hockey team, the tale is based upon a woman who birthed her 13th child, only to find that it was a demonic creature. The creature now roams the woods of New Jersey (mull that one over). This 18th century “Rosemary’s Baby” type creature definitely is not as scary as we think it is. As weird as it is to have a baker’s dozen of children, especially when modern medicine was nothing more than a birthing trench out by the smokehouse, I’m sure that the child was just really ugly.

The legend of Icarus is not all that remarkable. In fact, I’m fairly sure the Wright Brothers were only a few mishaps away from becoming a fiery ball falling towards the Earth.

Theseus’ encounter with the ghastly half-man, half-bull creature–the Minotaur–might be nothing more than a simple misunderstanding. As we all know from the riveting Jack Black blockbuster, “Year One,” human beings millennia ago did not really differentiate the household from a barn. That said, a gung-ho farmhand encountering a disgruntled bovine in his intricate maze (or labyrinth, if you will) of shrubs could simply have been a chance encounter between a steer, or an exaggeration of a difficult argument with his significant other. People are known to embellish, you know.

Everyone understands the mythical-esque crime-fighting prowess of the street savior Batman. He soars through our concrete landscape upon polyurethane wings, establishing himself the most masculine of all winged mammals (actually, it is the only winged mammal, but I digress). What is truly a mystery, however, is the origin of his effeminate boy-wonder, Robin. He’s as light as a bird, eats like a bird, dons a unitard and doesn’t even fly. My hypothesis is that he emerged as the result of a mass cultural, hegemonic shift towards the war effort. His first comic appearance was in 1940, stemmed from the collective national effort to cut back on frivolity during dire economic times. By this I mean, “The Great Trouser Drought of WWII.” Men on the battlefields needed protective leg-gear, thus limiting the amount of woolen sheathes available to cover quads on the home front. Robin’s unitard represents the benefits of conservative behavior and the generally positive affects movements on home soil can have on foreign efforts. The story of this movement can be viewed in the Oscar-Winning, Tom Hanks film, “Saving Ryan’s Private.”

I hope I have debunked some of the general populace’s misguided beliefs. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer. Tune in next week when I prove that gift-horses adore being looked in the mouth.

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Rees’ Pieces

Ben Rees

Screenwriter Extraordinaire

Some things in life simply stump me. I don’t understand the vastness of the universe, I cannot fathom why anyone watches Conan O’Brien and, for the life of me, I have no idea why I went to college instead of becoming a screenwriter. My father told me I’d be wasting my academic talents, and my friends said I would never make it. Well, to silence all the naysayers, I have outlined my masterful manuscripts for your benefit so that my loving fans may sing my praises. Action!

Screenplay #1: Submerged under the filthy streets of New York, inhabiting the dark underworld of the sewers, lies the most terrifying man to ever have taken the Hippocratic Oath. Some nights, when the moon is full and the stars are eerily dim, he emerges from the pest-ridden tunnels, only to prey on his next victim. Can’t you feel your skin throbbing? Doesn’t that strange bump on your back pulse at an increased rate? Well, keep your shirt on, because the deranged dermatologist of Manhattan is coming to drain your sores. Introducing: “The Exorcyst.”

Screenplay #2: This fall, get ready for the documentary sensation of the year. It is a tale of our current economic hardships and the tough times we all endure. It encourages productive, proactive behavior, and attempts to make sure nobody gets left behind. It is entitled “Ferris Bueller’s Four Years Off: Unemployment Hardships in America.”

Screenplay #3: Men, fear not the consequences of crying. This tale of boyhood sorrow will infallibly yank at the heartstrings of every man, woman and child alike. There is no greater heartbreaker than the misery of a poor, poor boy who lost his favorite childhood possession. This Christmas, come see the heart-wrenching film of the year that is guaranteed to blow you away, “Gone With the Wind: A Tale of My Favorite Baseball Cap.”

Screenplay #4: “The Lord of the Rings: The Don King Story”

TV Pilot: MTV’s “True Life” only scraped the surface of America’s deepest, darkest secrets. Why focus on what you are when you preemptively explore what people might possibly become? This week, on “True Life … Maybe One Day, If Things Go My Way,” we explore little five-year-old Tina. See her play with those ABC blocks? Well, maybe one day, if things go her way, she could become a teacher.

Little Ralphie always wanted to make a name for himself. All of a sudden, he began mounting Beanie Babies on all the walls in his house. He must have a dream that he wants to attain! Catch him next week on: “True Life … M.O.D.I.T.G.M.W., I Kind of Want to Be a Taxidermist Someday.”

Who says I don’t have talent?

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Arts & Life Rees' Pieces

Rees’ Pieces

Ben Rees

The Students We Are

For your benefit, please read this aloud.

I’m a registered undergraduate pursuing a baccalaureate. No B.S., but a B.A., in more ways than one. I’m dedicated, educated and occasionally inebriated. I read for content without content, and I’m underwhelmed while overloaded. I manage 101 things, almost leased 700 Market and it all took me 100 nights (too soon?). I brake for nobody—except gym rats—and I still don’t know who DANA is. I weather nor’easters, but somehow can’t figure out the Campus Climate. They stay low on the salt, and a wild ride is a slip and slide down the east side of the grove.

I drive a black Suburban through white suburbs, and my TAs care more about the Townie T than if I get an A on my T-cell lab. I’m career-centered, but can’t find the career center, as botany is not for me. My résumé will resume once I’m safely connected via SafeConnect, and Christy Mathewson didn’t even go here (entirely)-I guess he just has a lot of feelings. In the Bison the chicken is tender, and the squirrels outside are squirrely, perhaps these things are connected.

I lie low but have high-risk friends, and I don’t have a bank account so my parents pay for bankers. People hook up, date down, stay in and hang out. I pet therapy dogs and scream at tour guides. I’m on BSG, IFC and just ACE’d one Panhel of an exam. I’ve been to Uptown, downtown, Academic West and Tungsten (bless you). I externed with a big firm, but my internship didn’t turn into shit, so now I’m soul-searching, cross-referencing and brown-nosing to find a career.

Yellow Wood is browning and Red Light’s burned out; Fire Escape is far from safe and Shark Tank sank a long time ago. I’d go to the KLARC, but there’s nowhere to park; the ellipticals are filled by those on the straight and very narrow. I want my Bull Run pronto, as my temperance is nonexistent, and I live my life like every night is wing night.

I’m an independent academic on supplements, and my ADD gets in the way of my …  First Night commenced to Commencement, and my once MIA OA is still far too excited to see me. I love this beautiful place filled with beautiful people, beautiful buildings and stunning sunsets. An academic wonderland interspersed with personality, technicality and the perfect dose of triviality. If you give back, this place will always take, and we do best, have a great break!