Category: Columns

By Stacey Lace

Columnist

You know how great it feels to take a hot shower right after you wake up? You get a feeling of refreshment and cleansing, giving you the strength to get through your busy day. It’s the second best way to start the day.

The absolute best is morning sex. Let’s not pretend it doesn’t feel so good. I wake up horny. I realize “morning wood” is usually thought of as exclusively male, but it’s not. My morning wood just doesn’t peek out from between the sheets. Rather than take a cold shower to cool off, I’d like to take advantage of the fact that I have a gorgeous guy in bed next to me. (No comment on my own bedhead. I like to think I wake up looking something like a naked Jackie Onassis—classy and well put-together, just a little more naked and alluring.)

It just puts me in such a great mood to get it on before I do anything else. It’s so nice to spend the morning lounging in bed, lazily enjoying each other. I love the way morning sex can be slow and sensual, unlike nighttime sex, when I typically tend to focus on getting to the main event and falling asleep while snuggled up close together. In the morning, I can be so much more cognizant of the moment and less concerned with everything else in my life.

Playing in the morning leaves plenty of time for giggling, caressing, massaging … basically all the best parts of having sex. I can spend my time indulging in every single tingle and feeling of pleasure I feel all over my body.

I love the way it can be so playful and fun, yet so serious and meaningful at the same time. There’s so much more playful touching and kissing when I do it in the morning. It’s less sex-with-a-prostitute “Risky Business” and more sweaty-hand-on-the-window “Titanic.” Honestly, nothing compares to that scene in the car when Leo and Kate just can’t keep their hands off each other. It’s so clear they just want to touch, and so clear that doing it with each other is super gratifying.

Another perk to doing it in the a.m. is my energy level. Like I said, at night, I just like to do it and head to bed. But in the morning, I’m well-rested enough to really make the encounter count.

This weekend, when you go through round one on Saturday night, don’t forget that round two on Sunday morning (and maybe round three in the afternoon) can be just as good, if not better.

Stacey Lace

Columnist

With a new boyfriend in my life, I have to voice a concern that is starting to dawn on me. There will come a day when we get too comfortable.

Even in such a new relationship, I can feel the comfort level changing. It didn’t take long before he knew about my weird (and slightly embarrassing) hangover regimen: I turn on episodes of “Star Trek” while I sleep, and I sip tomato soup through a straw.

I’m sure whenever that first visit with my parents happens, the BF will hear all about my escapades as a child–every embarrassing detail. In fact, my father prides himself on remembering my worst moments so he can quickly recall them. There is actually a home video of me circa 1993 in which my mother is dressing me after a bath and my father says something along the lines of “Wait until your future boyfriend sees your naked baby butt, Stace!”

My mother had this converted from VHS to DVD so I really don’t see a way to keep this hidden.

Beyond my sometimes embarrassing past, getting too physically comfortable with each other creeps me out just as much. This week, I had an 8 a.m. class and the BF had stayed over. I felt bad waking him since he didn’t have class until the afternoon, so I left him asleep in my bed and went off to my four hours of regularly scheduled lectures.

It’s not really a big deal, but if we’re already at the point where it’s no longer weird to sleep in each other’s bed without the other, how much further is it going to go?

As someone addicted to “How I Met Your Mother,” I can’t help but reference the show. There’s an episode in Season One (“Zip, Zip, Zip”) when Ted and Victoria get a little frisky on the couch and Marshall and Lily end up stuck in the bathroom for hours on end. Even after dating for nine years, the couple had never gone to the bathroom in front of each other.

While it’s wonderful to be so perfectly matched for someone that you never worry about how they view you, certain things just don’t need to be shared. If I could keep a guy from realizing the extensive eyebrow plucking I and other women go through just to look presentable, that would be great. Also, while I know my guy plays basketball and other sports, I’m really grossed out by sweat and just assume he never sweats. I realize this seems utterly ridiculous, and while I agree, I’ve managed to avoid seeing him post-game thus far, and I intend to keep it that way.

I’m fine with things as they are, but let’s hope they don’t progress too far into the comfort zone. Since I haven’t discovered anything too strange yet, I’ll just keep myself on a need-to-know basis.

By Stacey Lace

Columnist

Some people like it rough. I think the appeal comes from the thought of either being in charge or being totally dominated. So popular, the term “BDSM” has been coined to mean bondage, domination, sadism and masochism.

Rough play has even made its way into pop culture. In the first season of “Desperate Housewives,” Bree’s husband habitually visited a dominatrix prostitutional housewife. Rihanna released “S&M” in January 2011, debuting it at No. 53 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and moving all the way up to No. 1. The song has even been certified double platinum.

With all of this hype, it seems like some whips and chains might not just excite Rihanna, but could excite the rest of us, too. At first I was pretty skeptical to get involved in BDSM myself, but Rihanna’s urging has given me the encouragement to find out more. I feel as though the heat created by a dominating situation might put a little hot sauce on my otherwise red-pepper-flaked sex life.

Whenever people start thinking about BDSM activities, we can’t help but think of the props that might complete the experience. I’m particularly interested in handcuffs, whips, gags and a little blindfolding.

I’m not so sure I’d experiment with bondage quite yet, but the blindfolding could be fun and wouldn’t necessarily be as “rough” as other props. I realize this sounds like something straight out of “Cosmopolitan,” but I think the anticipation of not necessarily knowing what thrilling sexual act will be performed next can be a great turn on.

The BDSM attire also shouldn’t go unnoticed. Personally, I love the way black thigh high leather boots look. I have a pair that makes me my legs look rocking. I’ve also always been a big fan of sexy lingerie. A lacy black get-up can create a nice juxtaposition with the leather boots or a black leather jewelry piece with metal spikes. (I personally think the dog collar is a little much, but I can see the appeal for some.)

Every time I get down and dirty doesn’t need to be the greatest thrill I’ve ever experienced, but I think throwing in a little variety can kick up the satisfaction a notch or two. Sometimes, a little BDSM can get the job done.

Disclaimer: In no way are BDSM activity and non-consensual sex the same. Prior to engaging in any type of BDSM behavior, consent of all parties involved should be clearly stated.

By Stacey Lace

Columnist

During the fall semester of my first year at the University, students and faculty were plagued by the swine flu. With half of my English 101 class quarantined, and my own symptoms from a stomach bug, I turned into a hypochondriac and made my first visit to Health Services.

Luckily, I managed to avoid swine, but I didn’t manage to avoid the poster in the examination room providing me with the six degrees of sexual separation. I recently started thinking about how my “number” and “exposure” stack up.

I decided to look up a similar chart online entitled, “Sexual Exposure Chart.” The chart is based on the idea that every partner you’ve engaged in sexual activity with has had the same number of previous partners you have. In my case, I’ve had two partners, so under the chart’s assumption, Partner #1 had no previous partners and Partner #2 had one other partner. This brought my total exposure to three people.

A sexual exposure of three didn’t seem so bad, but with one more partner added, my exposure jumped up to seven. While my traditional “number” may only go up by one for every new partner, my exposure to others goes up by many more.

I started asking around to figure out what a typical 20-year-old female student’s number would be and got a variety of answers. Yes, I actually walked up to women to ask for their number. My extremely small and impromptu survey yielded results anywhere from zero to eight, with most answers being one or two.

Surprisingly, every girl I asked outright gave me her number without hesitation. No one seemed concerned it was too low or too high. In one case, the girl had to think about and count up her number of partners, indicating a lack of concern regarding it.

Based on a survey by the federal government, men had a median of seven and women had a median of four heterosexual partners. According to “The Myth, the Math, the Sex,” an article from the New York Times in 2007, it’s expected that men overestimate and women underestimate their partner number.

With those numbers being said, I think it’s important to realize a few things.

First, half of all people are above the median and half are below. To be honest, this median isn’t really about the “typical” number of partners; it’s about the number of partners at the middle of the spectrum. It doesn’t indicate how heavily populated different parts of the number line are.

Regarding my own life, I think two is fine. Realistically, my number is going to increase, and that’s fine with me. What’s important isn’t the number, but the decisions we make that got us to it.

By Stacey Lace

Columnist

With Valentine’s Day just passing, let’s talk about another big V in our lives.  I’m talking about the biggest V you can think of that pertains to your late night indiscretions.  I’m talking about virginity, and, yes, this is about to get a little personal.

You can probably all guess that I’m not a virgin.  I’m pretty sure The Bucknellian wouldn’t let me write this column if I was, but that’s not to say I was sexualized too young or anything like that.

I lost the v-card after coming to college.  I was in a steady relationship with a guy who was not as chaste as myself.  I don’t regret the guy or the circumstances, but at age 18, I thought we needed to have “the talk.”

I don’t mean the “where do babies come from” talk, I mean the “I need to know this is the right decision and that I’m not going to regret having made it with you” talk.

Honestly, I’ve never stopped having that talk.  Prior to every new sexual encounter, I’ve had “the talk.”  I just think it’s important to know where both partners are physically, mentally and emotionally when it comes to having sex.

With STIs, STDs and STFs (sexually transmitted feelings) going around campus, understanding your partner’s sexual history or lack thereof is just as important to your emotional stability as it is to your fear of herpes.

One day last week while I was at lunch with my girlfriends, my peppy cheerleader friend Reilly* was filling the group in on James*, the guy she’s been seeing.

Her hookup concern of the week?  Reilly was beginning to think about taking the next step and actually sleeping together.  However, Reilly’s feelings weren’t the problem.  Before any canoodling, Reilly wanted to know if James was a virgin, but she didn’t know how to bring it up.

This prompted all eight of the girls to start talking about how you ask your partner if he or she is a virgin. We all agreed it’s awkward to just flat out ask, yet it seemed like having that talk was so important.

I know that talking about the v-card can be almost as awkward as asking your mom to refill your condom stash next time she’s at the pharmacy, but it seems to be something we’ll all have to overcome at least once.

I wish I had advice for you, but all I can really say is that the brief moment of humiliation that comes from asking the question is almost always cancelled by the resulting conversation and activity.

If you still think it’s too awkward, take my roommate’s advice: “If you can’t have the talk, just don’t have sex.”

*Names have been changed.